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hold me and watch the apocalypse - baby, we did this, don't miss it... [16 Jan 2009|12:22pm]
[ mood | pleased ]


i'm still not entirely sure how this happened. i was thinking about What I Wanted To Do For The Rest Of My Life and was largely coming up with things that made me deliriously happy in concept (like queer theory! whoohoo! hurrah!) but made me rather sad in practice (...like writing essays. forever *weeps*). then i started painting the cork part of our cork-whiteboard thing and dianne says "hey, you're good at that". so then i dug out my charcoals and started sketching things. like my girlfriend being naked. which made me happy (both the sketching and my girlfriend being naked). and then i started thinking about how i always wanted to do arts of some kind but never had the marks or the money.

handily, since last researching it, jmc academy has acquired itself a fee-help/hecs program.

therefore, i have full plans to mooch another degree out of our fine commonwealth. a degree in DIGITAL MEDIA AND 3D ANIMATION *GLEE*

this year might not turn out to be so shitty after all.


i maded you a superhero but i ated it.


flights to be had this year:
12th of feb - sydney to perth for fall out boy and general perth shenanigating. comeoutcomeout, sodo, and not_nele? come shenanigating with me?
16th of feb - perth to sydney.
26th of feb - sydney to melbourne for soundwave and some sideshows. or a single sideshow. i can't remember. more shenanigating!
1st of march - melbourne to sydney.

some point in july - flying to the states for some warped tour dates!! EXCITING TIMES PEOPLE.


my 6kg stepdaughter just jumped up on the couch and is now sitting on my chest, happily purring meaty cat biscuit purrs into my face. it's really fucking hot, i can hardly see my monitor and she's really fucking heavy, but since she does this so rarely, she gets to stay. silly kitty.

...and now she's scratching her nose on my glasses. too cute. too, too cute.

15 new playthings :: be mine

i'm fucked because i live a life of sin... [11 Nov 2008|09:00pm]
[ mood | my big gay high-horse, let me show you it ]

two things you need to see.

Court posted this. She's a citizen of three countries. She can't marry her girlfriend of pretty much forever in any of those countries. She can get civil unioned to her in one of them, but not actually married. This reporter asks why and borders on tears the whole way through. It's kind of amazing.

and to lighten the moodCollapse )

in other news, barack motherfucking obama, yo.

in other other news, dianne and i aren't doing the fall out boy tour, due to their supreme douchery. their company wants to charge $160 on top of ticket price for meet and greet or early entry. ahahaha no. we bought tickets to sydney and then i hopped all over the place and bought tickets for perth. i miss perth. since we're going to melbourne for soundwave anyway, we figured it's almost tour just without the dickbrainery of artist's arena. awesome.

i have applied for the most amazing job ever. send copious amounts of good luck. please? :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
12 new playthings :: be mine

just stop and take a second... [30 Oct 2008|01:00pm]
[ mood | glee! ]


also, there is a pink marathon on channel v at the moment *fawns* we have tickets for her show. in june. what the fucking mcfuck is with the capitalising on the exchange rate, jesus. june. june for christ's sake. but still. piiiiiiink.

2 new playthings :: be mine

let the leaves fall off in the summer and let december glow in flames... [23 Oct 2008|02:09pm]
[ mood | calm ]

iiiiiinternets *grabs*

so. i have six months worth of catching up to do with you, and you with me. i've missed you, i have. however, now i have a nice stable cable internet connection which doesn't require sharing phone lines or containing myself to my bedroom or any such annoying thing, so i'm going to be around a lot more often. oh internet *pets*

the last six months went like this:
- i obviously fell in love with a girl. a real, live girl. seriously, she's got girl parts and everything. it's awesome. it's a love based on music and coffee, and i can think of no greater things for love to be based on. in true i-can't-believe-they're-not-lesbians tradition, we shacked up pretty quickly and have a cat. our apartment features a whole lot of bandom boys that look like girls. again, awesome.

- i travelled the country in support of a dorky little band called panic at the disco. i got to meet them and their stupid faces and it was pretty much amazing. their road manager, zack, is the coolest individual on the face of the planet and we ended up wanting to spend more time with him than we did the band. zack tour 2008!

- thank you to everyone i met on zack tour 2008. you all took the shittiest month dianne and i have ever had and turned it into the best distraction we could have hoped for. thanks especially to not_nele for letting us overtake her room, teaching us the sign language for anal sex, fuck and coffee, and just being generally made out of awesome. zack tour crew ftw! ♥

- here's a picture of everyone mentioned thus far. spencer, dianne, ryan, nele, brendon, me, jon. zack's not in the photo because zack is taking the photo.

- my crush on brendon boyd urie is visible from space. not helped by him going "oh! hello again!" with huge smile on the second tour date. oh, my knees, how they trembled.

- in not tour news, i decided that i wanted to study again. trying to figure out exactly how to do this, however, is proving more difficult than actually studying would be. since the postgrad thing i want to do is research based, i have to do a bridging course to prove i can research. to do the bridging course, i have to be doing or have done a coursework masters. to do a coursework masters i have to have done honours or...be doing a bridging course. um. what? *hands* so i took down the phone number for learning assistance and went to read some porn instead. my life, so productive.

- i am fed up to the eyeballs with work. job hunting consists of me being overqualified and uninterested (i can pretty much do any retail thing i like) or way, way underqualified and ridiculously interested. mmrf.

- family issues are all to pear. i'm welcome for christmas but not if i want to stay the night, there was a big deal made over me having a male employee, everything ever is my fault and that i know why (...apparently?). i don't even know. when she wouldn't tell me what was wrong but still wanted to fight, i told her to grow up and call me when she was ready. then i left. the next day, i got a voicemail from dad saying he didn't understand her and if it was him in that situation, she would've been wearing the spaghetti. dad is amazing.

- my conscious self has largely put this all on the back burner. my sub-conscious slides it into dreams every second night. hatehatehate.

- everything else, however, is peaches. our house is awesome. our suburb is quiet, with plenty of beautiful places to walk around and plenty of beautiful places to drink vast amounts of coffee. best coffee ever is about twenty minutes walk away. we have a balcony and a golf course and several very nosy but adorable residential cats. we have two train stations and a lot of buses. we're close to the city but it kind of feels like we're living in a retirement village. everyone is quiet and polite! it's brilliant! :)

- we have bits and pieces of next year planned. we're going to soundwave in both sydney and melbourne, then we'll be back in melbourne for comfest. i want to go back to perth at some point but we'll have to see on that one. travel travel travel :)

i think that's it for me. how are you?

31 new playthings :: be mine

say it like you mean it coz it doesn't mean a thing so it's easier to scream it... [20 Sep 2008|07:46pm]
[ mood | okay ]

six days.

six days and i'm moving. i'll have a two bedroom apartment with my girl, her pillowy cat and a backyard that consists of the marrickville golf course.

but most excitingly?

i'll have the internet back.

i cannot fucking wait.

the last two months have been the best and worst of my life. for some inane reason that makes absolutely no sense, getting the internet back feels like some return to (relative) normalcy. like the internet's going to pat me on the back and go "it's okay hails! i'm your happy medium!".

ugh, puns. the internet would pun at me.

oh internet. i've missed you *rubs*

2 new playthings :: be mine

[01 Aug 2008|09:59pm]
i've been trying, i'm not lying, no one's perfect, i've got baggage (life's too short babe, time is flying, i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine)


i am bad at being honest. i am great at not telling lies. i rarely ever lie. but being honest is a whole other realm that i am not good at. i know why i've been happy. i know why it's relatively easy to cram the whole biological family issue into the back of my head. i know why i didn't particularly mind too much when i gave up on london and paris and homehomehome for this year.

and her name's dianne.

i didn't tell anyone for a whole host of excellent reasons. but she's amazing and i cried my eyes out over how amazing she is last night. and she stroked my stupid hair and let me.

i don't know how important i am to people for this to be a big deal or just something you can file into your 'things i know about hails' folder. but you should know. and this is bigger than universe, this is bigger than you and me, we got a love between us and it's like electricity.

you will only hear these elegant crimes... [28 Jun 2008|12:55pm]
[ mood | okay ]

here we go!

- i am still computer-less. it has taken ali six weeks to take my computer to her mother's place for fixing, two days for her mother to fix it and another month later, i am still waiting for it. fair enough, her mother lives three hours south of us and i'm getting it fixed for free. but i am so ridiculously twitchy and bored brainless, it's insane.

- i am updating from work. i'm in the store alone and am supposed to be preparing for stocktake. that can happen after i make sure all my friends are alive and tell them likewise for myself.

- i am not going overseas this year. there's a few reasons behind this but about 60% of it is the not-having-enough-cash part. i mean, strictly speaking, i have enough cash. however, if anything screws up, i would not have enough cash and would be dependent on the kindness of my parents. since i'm not one to depend on things that don't exist, i've put it on hold.

- that's not entirely fair. dad is awesome and makes sure he loudly announces how much he likes my hair every time he sees me. it's flamey-red again. redheads are awesome.

- oddly enough, i will be going overseas next year, but probably not to europe. i have plans to do the 2009 warped tour in a place that feels absolutely nothing like going home. however, i am going to enjoy the shit out of it. aiming to travel the country over the space of a month and drop in on about five warped dates. it will be awesome.

- i saw emily the other day. i was trying to avoid going home (restless, so restless!) so i caught the bus. she got on at broadway and my heart was in my mouth for a good ten minutes. but then i got myself together and told myself that my life was relatively awesome and that i had nothing to be worried about, really. as far as i know, she didn't see me (crowded bus + hoodie = awesome) but it kinda became a non-event once i'd sorted myself out. in the past i would've panicked about something like this for a few weeks but i didn't even think about it for a good hour or so the next day. when i did, i kinda went 'oh, that happened, huh' and that was that. interesting.

- i have an unending desire to go back to school. i think maybe i just appreciate something to procrastinate about. help.

- i bought the gayest shoes in the history of gay shoes today. they're being transferred from melbourne so i don't have them just yet AND THE INTERNETS REFUSE TO FIND ME A PICTURE OF THEM but they're awesome. i shall photograph them when i get them on my tootsies.

- i am going to wear those shoes and a shirt that says 'every time you see a rainbow, god is having gay sex' to the NoToPope rally on the 19th of july. we're going to hand out condoms to pilgrims. they're going to bang each other anyway, may as well not spread diseases while they're at it. please come along! us queermos make really fun rallies and confronting young'ens with the importance of being sexually aware is not only useful but hilarious as well.

- speaking of all things homo, the fueled by ramen extravaganza/gay as blazes experience tour is less than two months away. i leave sydney on the 20th of august and get back on the 30th, having seen five shows, four bands, endless bandom folk and two states i've never been to see, all with the exquisite f_lexi_ble in tow. i cannot wait.

- i feel like i have been doing everything lately but when i try to think of things to type about, all i come up with is 'work. um. i went to the zoo? um...and the art gallery! hmm...and then i worked more'. god. and yet my life is awesome, despite me wanting a new job. i've...got nothing on that one.

- cool, so i'm alive and so are you (theoretically...zombies, anyone?) and i really should get to work *sigh*

- love you *squishes*

20 new playthings :: be mine

best friends means you pull the trigger... [22 Apr 2008|10:05am]
[ mood | okay ]

point form, on the fly!

- on friday, i graduated. i have no photos because my parents took them.
- my mum wrecked my graduation. that's okay coz i have a certificate that says i'm smarter than her.
- i? have a degree. this still sometimes blows me away. someone gave me a degree! hilarious :)
- my transcript has the words 'queer theory' on it. next to it is the highest mark i received at macquarie university. yeah, i'm not surprised either.
- sodo sent me the sweetest text message ever on that day. it was sweet. she's a sweetheart. she also hates the word sweet in reference to her *smirk*
- my hair is black. boring.
- melbourne was fifteen shades of amazing. i love comeoutcomeout so ridiculously much. thank you to everyone who took care of me while i was there; you have no idea how much i needed it <3
- my computer is broken. i'm not sure how, but i left it on, went away and came back to see it flashing its orange power button at me ominously. i am so far behind on the internets, it seems unlikely i will ever catch up. also, i want to make icons *twitch* not having access to graphics programs makes my life so hard.
- i am now one of those people who follows a band around on tour. brisbane, sydney, melbourne, adelaide, perth. panic a la disco, cobra starship, the academy is. gay as blazes tour 2008. flaming it up at a venue near you. i am going to get brendon urie to sign a bag of skittles and a tightpants photo of ryan ross.
- ridiculously, i miss uni. my desire to be a theorist has never been stronger. ungh. my brain, so complicated.
- i'm in love with soy yogurt.
- 'on the fly' quite obviously translates to 'hails is a talky thing when she's procrastinating!'
- i have to go catch a bus to work now and i don't want to leave you.
- <3 <3 <3

18 new playthings :: be mine

we build these dreams on sand, how they all slip through our hands... [19 Mar 2008|02:09am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

i love a lot of things about living in a share house. however. sharing a dial up phone line? *headdesk* i haven't been home many nights this past week but the ones i have, aliee's been online continuously to the point where i am pretty much asleep. just ebaying. ebay is the devil's spawn, i know that now. ungh.

i have the plague. my voice sounds like people should be paying me to talk. it'd be awesome if it didn't ache like a motherfucker. *makes pitiful noises everywhere*

so yes, this is just a great big apology for not being around at all lately. i send great textcuddles though, so if you need some love, sms me. i has a new prepaid thingy, which means i has more text for the same cashola. we likes it, we do.

where did my autumn go? *sadface*

reason #238753 why i love patrick stump - he puts safety first. and also, brendon urie came out to the fence. despite the fact that this was the most obvious thing in the universe, i still flailed like a girl and squealed for half an hour when i got that news. oh bandom *cuddles*

so exhausted. to bed, she said. &hearts

1 new plaything :: be mine

and all the pieces fit together oh so perfectly... [10 Mar 2008|04:06am]
[ mood | comfortable ]

happy birthday to two of my most favourite people ever, nutbarramblings and f_lexi_ble. you both make my days amazing and i'd be pretty fucking lost without you <3

so this is how the next month is panning out:
22/3 - flying out of sydney at 6am. get into melbourne and annoying viv at ridic o'clock/drinking obscene amounts of faggy coffee until viv wakes up for me to annoy her. spend day doing stuff! i can't remember what! viv plans, i say "okay!" and give her money and love her a lot. i have the best friends ever, i swear.
23/3 - do more stuff!
24/3 - fly out of fucking avalon at fucking 6am. jesus christ. $50 flights, the things i do for you.

29/3 - v festival with f_lexi_ble and sevenwindows. duran duran man. that's going to be fucking awesome.

2/4 - flying out of sydney at 6.10pm. late flight = win! rostering self to work the early shift so we can afford these flights of fancy = absolute fail. i will be made of 70% caffeine by the time this is over, no lie. get to melbourne, find cherie, flail a bit the way i always do when i have cherie.
3/4 - see tripod. have oldskool flashbacks all over the place. be ridiculously happy i finally get to see tripod with the person who largely got me into tripod in the first place. this is how far me and my brother go back, yo. 1999? we was there.
4/4 - see some stuff. wander. take over the world.
5/4 - see more stuff. give the world back with a few alterations.
6/4 - see even more stuff. look upon the world and say 'eh, not bad actually'.
7/4 - fly out of avalon at 8.10pm. mourn the fact that nsw exists and i live in it.

18/4 - graduate. eep.

elsewhere in amongst all that melbourning: get tattoos with cherie, see augustuscaesar, _megalomania_ and everyone she wants me to hang out with, and whoever else wants to have pints or soy hazelnut lattes. potentially pints of soy hazelnut latte. preferably buckets of soy hazelnut latte. my girlboner for faggy coffee, let me show you it. so yeah. if you're a victorian person or are pretending to be at the same time i am, give me a holler. i am always up for doing stuff with people that i like enough to give my phone number.

look at that. my life suddenly got awesome.

saw the getaway plan last night. such a pretty band. their drummer is so earnest and adorable, it pretty much kills me. just like this song. which is not earnest but is sweet...if you like songs written about coastlines and breathplay. um. yeah. and i've tried for the last hour to upload it but it keeps timing out. fucking dialup, keeping me honest. but the lyrics are here.

everything is good right now. my plans are all over the place but everything is okay. so okay :)

8 new playthings :: be mine

i rolled over and over trying to touch your knees... [23 Feb 2008|12:24am]
[ mood | okay ]

slightly burnt cheese = the vegetarian's crackling. so good. so, so good.

my hair is red again. purple was a pain in the ass; kept going pink at one end and blue at the other. red is either red or that lovely ambiguous redpink. awesome. there's photos. i may be pulling a wentzface, many apologies. my douchiness, you can has it ;p

i'm going to be in melbourne in march and then again in april. viv's going in march, cherie's going in april, i have gigs to be going to in sydney with f_lexi_ble and sevenwindows in the bit between viv!time and cherie!time and i'm not NOT going to see both of my perthies. perth is just too fucking far away *s* i will have the dates sorted once webjet.com.au stops being a jerkoff for long enough for me to get some info out of it. cherie, tripod for sure. punch me if i flail too hard ;)

melbourne folk, i want to see you all and perhaps crash on your couches at various stages and own the trades hall with you all again <3 <3 <3

cherie and i are getting best friend tattoos. i appropriated this idea on monday and she said yes on tuesday. best big brother ever, yes? alwaysalwaysalways.

saw the genetics last weekend. dad loves my "new silverware" but really wishes i'd get my nose pierced. i keep saying that we have to go get tattoos together sometime and his biggest problem with this idea is that he doesn't know what to get. dad is made out of occasional awesome.

pete's dog and patrick's dog are dating. i have not been able to stop laughing about this all day. the fact that hemmy and penny both have myspaces is hilarious enough, but that they're dating? oh god. bandom, you're the packet of timtams that never runs out, seriously.

there's probably more i had to say but i can't remember it now. but things are good. aliee brought me home a letter bracelet from work that says 'happy' and i kinda really am at the moment.

21 new playthings :: be mine

beneath the rafters, the angels sing... [09 Feb 2008|06:31pm]
[ mood | getting there ]

i was so productive today. made a kajillion dollars at work, moved the store around, made stuff look pretty awesome. apparently, i work best on three hours sleep, a venti soy light mocha with an extra shot and a phone call that makes me shake. nothing like genetics to turn you into a model employee.

i'm updating from work. that is...rather novel. hope all the network help folk have gone home.

a lady came into work today and started talking randomly about her purchase, saying she was buying something rather than some other thing so her husband can buy her the other thing for valentines day. whatever, right? then she tells me he's a typical scorpio and i start mentally shutting down like i normally do when bondi gives me crazies. then she asked me what i was. apparently, cancerians are good business people, are keenly aware of their money and jupiter is in my twelfth house or something, which is good for partnerships. i don't know why, but her saying i should start my own business based solely on when i was born? made me smile for the rest of the day. damn. sometimes the crazies make up for the pretentious jerkoffs that live here.

panic(!) at the disco's 'nine in the afternoon' is brilliant and ridiculous and brilliantly ridiculous. oh boys *smooshes them*

everyone should see 'sweeney todd', if only for the boy with the cocksucking lips. he's got a mouth i just want to stick things in! oh wait, girl. right. sorry, talking about brendon urie's band reminded me of cocksucking lips, funny that. but yeah. awesome movie. tim burton, helena bonham carter and johnny depp are the original creepy ot3. love it. lots of blood, yay!

nutbarramblings and f_lexi_ble are probably the best people in the world. i haven't met everyone in the world so i can't be certain, but they're definitely made out of awesome. anyone who can calm me down over the phone when i'm the most tactile person i know deserves, like, an award or something. normally it's hugs, alcohol or sleep that i need to cure me but they used words and it worked. geniuses.

i have been listening to this senses fail song, panic's 'nine in the afternoon' and saves the day's 'all star me' on repeat. lovelovelove. i have 'this isn't the way we planned' written on my wrist. it'll all be okay, somehow.

5 new playthings :: be mine

i'd rather forget the days we spent than try to stay afloat in shallow water... [23 Jan 2008|10:05pm]
[ mood | my brain won't stfu ]

- this day, two years ago, was my first day in london. and now, i'm equal parts desperate to and terrified about booking a ticket to go back. the thought of not going probably scares me more.

- counselling was awesome the other day. i know what i have to do and, although i'm shaky about doing it, i feel a little less guilty now. the letter is in my file so it's nowhere near my house anymore, which is great. it still exists (kylie (my counsellor) says that no decision you make cannot be reversed, at least somewhat, but burning a letter means no more letter *s*) but i don't have to feel queasy every time i see her handwriting, so hurrah for that.

- got a new credit card today. am thinking about changing my signature, considering it consists largely of my last name. hmm.

- still haven't booked for melbourne. will probably go at easter, because of needing cherietime and needing to be a dork with viv again.

- have discovered that my lip piercing sometimes clicks against my teeth when i talk. i kinda like it. i also discovered that i can pull it back with my two front teeth and that it feels all weird. again, i kinda like it.

- lilsis aka nick aka hpn touched down safely to kuwait. had to text her mum to find this out because nick sucks at calling people from foreign countries (something i have grand expertise in *shuffles*) but she's there and internetless and feeling pretty surreal, apparently. i didn't cry at the airport, so check one for the resolutions. it did, however, punch me straight in the guts the next morning when i woke up and realised that i may not see the person i spend the most time with in a year. didn't cry though! my heart, so frosty *pets*

- i am going to buy a new phone *determined* and it will be a nokia and it will be fucking capable and it will have an alarm that won't turn off for love, money or for being thrown across the room at ridiculous o'clock in the morning. so sick of waking up only to find i should've been out of bed an hour ago.

- brand new tomorrow night! *glee* jesse lacey, lay your emo on me.

3 new playthings :: be mine

this little girl was alone in the world until she found a way to get a fix for free... [14 Jan 2008|02:14am]
[ mood | better ]

sometimes, you do something for no particular reason, other than you need to do that thing right now. sometimes, you'll've had the thought years ago and never acted on it because you were always too afraid or whatever. sometimes, you do that thing and it makes you feel pretty damned okay with the world.

apparently, putting a hole in your face is one of those thingsCollapse )

and this has a big fat nothing to do with the last entry which, for the record, i entirely stand by in sobriety. fate/coincidence/the universe throwing random shit around you that make vague sense? really fucking sucks. what i don't stand by in my sobriety is using most of my last $40 to buy a paid lj account, what the fuck. this means three days of no coffee and me being a cranky stompy little child because of it, ngh.

24 new playthings :: be mine

i look at you and smile because i'm fine... [12 Jan 2008|01:04am]
[ mood | fucked up ]

so. i started writing this poll in my head this afternoon, when i was reasonably pleasant and sober. then i called the people that share genetics with me and now, neither of those qualifiers are in play. with that in mind, have a short philosophy lesson.

predestination: your future is fixed. everything that occurs was always meant to occur, since the beginning of time. mostly this happens in respect to some deity poking around in things and setting up all of eternity in a grand master plan.

fatalism: your future is your own choosing but it was fate that it was meant to pan out like it did. the plans that occur happen because you chose how they were to occur, but your choice was fate at work. lovely in retrospect, complicated before that. also involves deity, since there are things that were meant to be, regardless of how you chose. it is THAT you chose that is your free will, and thus the result of your choice is product of free will, but the product of your free will is also fate. i don't know if that really makes sense. think of this one as a choose your own adventure book, without cheating for the better ending.

determinism/causality: one event makes another event happen. i knock the glass, the glass breaks. the glass wouldn't've broken had i not knocked it. a position suitable for atheists or whatever. it's not strictly scientific, because you can argue proper randomness with formal logic. i've been taught how to, but fucked if i can remember. metaphysics sucks dude.

these descriptions are as good as i can remember them, so don't be surprised if they're flat out fucking wrong. i'm better with ethics and social philosophy, i swear.

all of this is brought to light because i've been thinking about something for a few days and it's kinda consuming me. i haven't been able to think of much else besides this...thing. issue. whatever. it's far more than those words, but i can't describe it. and all of friday, i kept on seeing things that drew me back to the heart of what i was arguing with myself over. the frustrating, endlessly frustrating, thing is, these things didn't pick a side. they just all screamed DO SOMETHING, which, when i'm so used to doing nothing, is quite a thing to have thrown at you. but after today's minuscule events, followed by the phenomenal conversation i had this evening with my second mother, i am quite assured that i AM going to do something, even if i have to drink a whole lot to actually do it. liquid balls, man. i don't even know. so, with all of that in mind (particularly the philosophy bit, considering i just talked a pile of shit about why i'm doing a stupid poll), check some boxes ladies, gents and gender outlaws.

so. fate. how about it?

things are meant to be because they always were.
things are meant to be because i made them so.
nope, only coincidence.
causality, yes, but fate, no.
fate is a nice cover-up term that helps people excuse themselves from reading into things that aren't really there.
i...haven't thought about this too much, to be honest.
it's a really weird glitch in the matrix.
fate has nothing to do with candy and i am thereby extremely uninterested.

[edit] itunes is conspiring against me, i swear. placebo, muse, fall out boy then stella one eleven? seriously, my teenagehood and my sanity in the space of four songs. fuck you, itunes, fuck you for being so right *buries face in hands*

...and then it flips to panic! at the disco *snerk* you know the world is messy when they're the ones to restore normality.
5 new playthings :: be mine

what we've become is contrary to what we want... [08 Jan 2008|07:08pm]
[ mood | typical ]

macquarie uni really, really, really shouldn't send me letters about doing honours in critical and cultural studies when i don't have the gpa to do it. part of me knew this all along, but another part of me, the part that was picking out subjects and figuring out how to study at macquarie from melbourne? is really fucking crushed. stupid hopes.

6 new playthings :: be mine

the light bulbs around my mirror don't flicker... [08 Jan 2008|03:46am]
[ mood | steady ]

so. resolutions, eh?

- go home. top of the list.
- go to melbourne.
- acquire a car and go...somewhere. interesting. that i've never been before.
- make big important decisions on 2009 (when i'm going to return to australia, where in australia i'm going to return to, what i'm going to do as far as study goes...lovely things like that).
- make more time for people. i'm too selfish with my time. sometimes, reading porn seems more insistent that talking to people who have shit to deal with. reading porn can wait. really, it can. considering the porn i read largely involves pete wentz, the longer i leave it, the more realistic it will become.
- be less lazy.
- buy more ethically than what i have been doing.
- continue to be a good vegetarian and continue to keep making excuses to my conscience about the importance of cheese to my sanity.
- continue the creativity that smacked me in the face last year. that was delightfully unexpected. thinking i'd never write anything that wasn't an essay again, and then suddenly all these bunnies start biting? yeah. can handle that.
- learn how to play my guitar or my keyboard. learn not to suck at it.
- continue being a dedicated textahead.
- be more punctual! heh, in the 'on time' sense, not in the 'punctuate freely!' sense. although i will. my love of inappropriate punctuation! knows no bounds.
- be more honest and more forward and more direct. realise that, as obvious as you think you're being, you're really quite the hieroglyph sometimes.
- see as much live music as my poor bank account can handle. let music be the best therapist money can buy.
- have more experiences and leave the comfort zone more often.
- get your fleur de lys.
- don't let the genetics get you down.
- sit down with yourself and make 'worst case scenario' plans, expressly so the genetics don't get you down.
- make new friends. be yourself with them from the outset (let them know what they're getting themselves in for).
- investigate how to launch spectacular idea #24521 - chalkline designs.
- don't let your immediate 'you're wrong, they're right' response kick in when people start questioning your abilities.
- walk the damned dogs more often.
- take more photos.
- update lj at least once a fortnight, if only to ramble aimlessly.
- make a firm decision never to grow up.
- take the part of your brain that constantly wants to call emily and fucking blackbag it. seven years is ridiculous. realise that you were both to blame, that nothing could be done and that it's better that you each found out how unloveable the other was before you got married.
- continue to crush heavily on patrick stump.
- cling to cherie at every chance i get.
- continue to be a royal pest to matt.
- not cry at the airport when nick leaves the country.
- continue to love my non-genetic family like the world is ending.

*rereads* *frowns*

- learn how to pick a -person and a tense and fucking stick to it.

other stuffCollapse )

so yeah. it's 3.30am. i'm going to go to bed soonish, but talk to me okay? how are you? tell me something fascinating. or something dull, i don't care. we'll laugh, it'll all be good. take care of you, kay? *blows kisses*

10 new playthings :: be mine

you never learned a goddamned thing... [23 Dec 2007|03:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i'm a graduate, motherfuckers ;)

got my results on the 14th. distinction. just barely (76) but still. distinction. sneaking into w6a through the fire escape? totally worth it. so i got that and then i checked the estudent thingy to see if it said i was eligible for graduation. it didn't. luckily, i was preparing myself for this to be a total shit-fight so i decided to wait it out awhile.

and then i emailed them on monday, because i have the patience of a small kitten on speed.

and then something came in the post on thursday that said 'hey, wear a stupid hat and a stupid robe and get a stupid bit of paper that says you know stuff!'. and i said '...yay?' because i have been far too drained lately to be excited for anything, despite the fact that i've wanted that letter for the past four and a half years. but that's okay. i pretty much have a degree. colour me dazed :)

in other news, i'm seeing anti-flag on australia day. hilarious!

13 new playthings :: be mine

i've got arrogance down to a science... [11 Dec 2007|12:42am]
[ mood | tequila is my bestfriend ]

so! i am drunk! i have a completely valid reason for being so. you won't find it out unless you're family. or, unless one of my family tells you. which i don't really have too much of a problem with, to be honest, so long as there's no sympathy and mooshy feelings. i can't do that, makes me weird. anyway. as it seems the thing to do when one is rather intoxicated, i shall ask kind of random questions at people and hope to get answers i like.

what are you doing for new years eve?

can i come to whatever you're doing for new years eve?

no, seriously, i am completely prepared to travel states this year. i should've travelled states last year, but i seem to have been a bit retarded then. no guarantees i'm not still retarded now, but y'know. i have even put some serious thought into being in paris or london for nye, except for the fact that that would blow my money for when i go there in may. if i don't get guilted out of that. but eh. this is not a question, sorry.

if you extend your invitation to me for your nye, does that include you making out with me? coz seriously, i could so seriously have some of that. tmi? yes. sorry again.

sorry also if it just seems like i invited myself to your nye and then macked on your face. i'm sure that's probably improper. i should probably ask first. which i seem not to be doing. back to the questions!

...i seem not to have any more questions. damn. i shall probably think of some as my intoxication progresses. jolly good.

...i also seem to become an old english chap whilst drunk. i...have no explanation for that. sorry once more.

18 new playthings :: be mine

[13 Nov 2007|07:16pm]
[ mood | fucking *done* ]

until friday night, i thought i was somehow incapable of extended writing. i seem to have a history of getting to around 800 words and having my brain shut down entirely. i didn't think i could ever write something over 3000 words.

and then? then gabe saporta kicked me in the arse and i wrote half a ridiculous fanfic worth 3500 words on friday night and saturday afternoon. despite the fact that it is GLORIOUSLY pornographic, that is not the important part.

the important part?

despite having my brain committed to writing some seriously hilarious porn, i still managed to write 2850 words exactly of LAST ESSAY EVER in the grand space of TWO DAYS. (i totally added an extra word in to make it even. something didn't sit right with having 2849 words of LAST ESSAY EVER. finality, goddamnit.)

this is even the day that it's due. it was a case of of having to hand it in on the day or fail epically because this one single essay is worth 60% and this course apparently doesn't do extensions or lateness. and i? i handed it in on the day it was due. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE I'VE HANDED SOMETHING IN ON THE DAY IT WAS DUE? A LONG FREAKING TIME AGO, THAT'S HOW LONG. sure, it was two hours and ten minutes late but they never specified a time on the essay sheet and 5pm is a result of my assumption, since that's been the hand-in time for my whole four and a half fucking years of university education.

the fact that i had to break into the building through the fire escape to put it into the right box bears no mind on this detail whatsoever.

i would like to thank starbucks for the three venti mocha light frappucinos i have consumed in the last two days. i would like to thank matt for being my westside crew with pompoms that i may or may not have forced on him. i would like to thank myself for being ridiculously verbose and for adding things that made me laugh ("constant vigilance!"), gay things ("non-normative sexuality means making fun of boys in drag, mocking shirt-lifters and watching hot girls make out") and things designed to make both me and my marker laugh ("while the excuses for the war in iraq are exhaustive in number, all we seem to have done is liberated their people from resources and breathing", oh god i am laughing right now *is fifteen shades of bad person*). i would like to thank nick's mp3 player for picking all my favourite songs to play when i felt i would die of brain block, and i would like to thank nick for letting me hold her mp3 player hostage for so long. i would NOT like to thank pete for picking yesterday to be the day that he tried to forcibly hold patrick in place and mack on his face because that? that was FAR too distracting for my slash-happy brain to handle.

but that's okay. i finished my essay. so long as there's no issues with it being two hours and ten minutes late, i am done. officially, completely done. finally. i should've been done by february 2006, but no. i fucked up. i fucked up long and hard and properly (*snerk* 'that's what she said!'). if there are issues, i will fucking cry for years. but still, it's done.

i am going to celebrate.

i am going to spend the weekend dyeing my hair, seeing matthew bellamy be stupidly hot and getting very, very, VERY drunk.

12 new playthings :: be mine

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